A Day in the Life: Nick Monthei

[A Day in the Life will most likely be a recurring skit where maybe once per episode we would do a Day in the Life of one of the actors in the show or one of our friends where we would have that person act out what we think their usual day is like, using generalizations/stereotypes about them, or just whatever we think they would do. Or, it could be a theme to one episode, where there are four or five A Day in the Life skits throughout that one episode.]

NUMERO DOS: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF NICK "PUNK ROCK" MONTHEI

There is a shot of a normal teenager sleeping. His alarm clock goes off. He hits the snooze button. The camera zooms in on his face as he goes to sleep. Once he closes his eyes, the camera starts zooming out, and we see his mother shaking him.

"It's time to wake up, honey."

"Oh, okay...."

This young lad gets up. As he is getting up and walking around, "I Predict a Riot" by the Kaiser Chiefs starts playing. The song starts off slow, and slowly builds up to the chorus, which consists of the repetition of "I predict a riot". It is not supposed to be like the other hardcore punk fucking rawk songs that will be in the skit. Of course, no punk song is as hardcore as Nick Monthei is, but some come close. The song is used to build the mood, as Nick is waking up, the song is going, slowly, building up, just like Nick is getting more awake, and ready for his day.

He stands in front of a mirror, discheveled from a good night's sleep. He starts repeating to himself in a whisper, "you're hardcore, you're fucking hardcore." It gets louder and louder, and at this point he is making weird angry faces in the mirror, like he is biting something. He punches the mirror and screams. He starts gelling his hair into a mohawk. He throws on some dirty jeans from the floor.

"Aren't you going to shower, sweetie?" his mom asks.

"Nah...showers are for pussies...I'm fucking so hesh I don't shower or wash my clothes."
(Note: this isn't specifically a thing about Nick Monthei, I'm sure he showers, it's just he's punk rock, so ideally, he wouldn't.)

"Oh, okay, just be sure to put some deoderant on."

"Of course...you think I want the bitches to think I smell bad?! Huh, bitch?!"

"No...I..I don't know..."

By now, there is a pretty hardcore punk song in the background. He throws on the most blatant, dangerous punk outfit ever, consisting of a denim jacket, a tight pink shirt, random buttons, and all kinds of spike bracelets. His jeans have numerous holes in them, of course. And to top it off, the standard Converse Chuck Taylor's. If you are punk, emo, or goth, there is no other pair of shoes in the whole world you could wear or else you're cliche or something...

Nick starts going out the front door.

"Where are you going, darling?"

"I'm going to change the fucking world, mom."

"Oh, I hope so, I sure hope so..."

"Yeah! Gonna get rid of all the bad people! Yeah! Gonna create world peace and end starvation and hunger across the fucking globe, mom! Punk rock!"

The camera is outside the house, and as he runs out, one of the most hardcore punk songs known to man will be playing. He drives a shitty car with a ton of bumper stickers on the back to a building.

He goes inside to a dirty apartment, where punk rock is playing loudly. Several people are gathered there.

"Three Hours Later..."

By now, the party is in full swing. Old-school hardcore punk rawkkk is playing at extreme levels. Nick is jumping around, bumping into people. "YEAH, PUNK FUCKING ROCK! GONNA MAKE SOME CHANGE! MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR EVERYONE TO LIVE IN!!!!!"

He starts a conversation with someone about the new Black Flag or whatever punk band's new CD.

"You haven't picked it up yet?!? It's fucking groundbreaking, man, earthshattering! Go buy it, man...but not at some mainstream record store...You'll just be supporting some filthy rich, white guy smoking a cigar at his mansion by doing that...that's all you'll be doing...Buy it at some indy store, man, there the money will be spent on what the employee's want. Or, better yet, don't buy it with fucking money, either. Fuck the system, man...fuck money...FUCK THE GOVERNMENT, FUCK EVERYONE, FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD!"

Nick goes and punches some random guy in the face. He runs outside, as punk music dominates the audio of the scene. There is a girl running, holding a bottle of water. He comes up right in front of her, takes the bottle, and scrams in her face, "there's people thirstier than you've ever been all over the world, and you're drinking water like there's no tomorrow?!? You fucking bitch!" He spikes the bottle as hard as he can to the ground. The woman screams in slow-motion, "Nooooooooooo!...there'sssss notttt annnny carbsssss in itttttt!!!!" as the bottle squirts all over.

Nick continues running. He meets up with someone he knows. "Yeah, punk rock music! We're gonna get Bush out of office!"

"But he just got reelected..."

"Yeah, well I guarantee you he won't be elected again."

"Yeah, of c-"

"It's because of punk rock, man! We're getting rid of all the mean people in the world." He then proceeds to scream as loud as humanly possible right in the ear of some kid who is sitting on a curb. "PUNK RAWWW KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
KKKKKKKKKKKKK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" He then says, "TV's brainwash you every second you are watching them and you don't even realize it you ignorant, worthless piece of shit American" to the kid.

He goes back to the party and starts downing shot after shot of some hard liquor. "Let's take meth and kill babies!" he screams at everyone.

He gets in a deep conversation with someone about war. Nick believes that war is always wrong, and that happiness throughout the world can be reached, if someone just gives peace a fucking chance.

Of course, he also believes that every woman, animal, and working-class American is exploited by "The Man".

He gets up and takes three more successive shots. "Let's kill some fucking Republicans! Let's kill some fucking hypocrites! I hate hypocrites! Let's kill some fucking abortion doctors! Let babies live, you evil sons of bitches! Let's kill fucking politicians! Let's kill fucking cops! Let's kill farmers, who only use animals for their benefit! Let's kill fucking old people, they look down at us like we're crazy! Let's kill teachers, they just get us in trouble! Let's kill religious people, worshipping their non-existent God. Let's kill middle-age people, they'll never understand how to run this world, they just fuck up our once beautiful world! Yeah! Let's make a fucking difference! I'm gonna make this world a fucking better place to live in!!! Punk rock music, motherfucker!!!!"

He goes back to his home, drunk off of his ass.

His mom is up, watching TV.
"Mom, don't believe the liberal media telling you what to believe! It's all lies!!! AAAAH!!!! He knocks over a chair on purpose.

"Oh, you're home, sweetheart? You got a call form Carlie."

"Oh, that bitch. Goddamnit."

He calls her back.

You're pregnant?!? Not my problem, bitch!"

He hangs up the phone by violenting slamming it down on the receiver.