Bud Light Guy

(A man in his 20's is at a grocery store. He grabs a 24-pack of Bud Light. As soon as he grabs it, a jock comes around the corner and stands behind him. The man looks behind him, and the jock stares back at him. The jock follows the man for the remainder of the grocery store visit. They arrive at his car, when finally the man speaks up.)

Male #1
"Uh...what are you doin', man?"

Jock
"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm with the beer."

(The man doesn't think about it for too long. He gets in the driver's seat and throws the case of beer on the passenger seat. The jock gets in the passenger side, picking up the beer case and putting it on his lap. They drive to the man's apartment. Once at the apartment, the jock opens the case and starts drinking. The man also starts drinking. Whenever the man reaches for another beer, the jock takes it from his hand. The man just reaches for one after and doesn't say anything. Throughout the skit, the jock is drinking at a faster pace than the man. Eventually, he has dranken more than half. Neither man says anything for along time.)

Male #1
(Gets up.)
"I'll be right back."

Jock
"Where ya going."

Male #1
"I have to go to the bathroom."

(The man dashes to the phone. He calls his friend.)

Male #2
"Heyyyyyyy, man, what's up?"

Male #1
"Hey, not much, what are you doing?"

Male #2
"I'm drinkin' at that one bar I was telling you about. It's a great time, man, you should come down here. What are you doing right now?"

Male #1
"Well, I'm drinking, too, but it's not going too well."

Male #2
"What are you talking about?"

Male #1
"Well, like this guy's here and he's drinking most of my beer. Like, I'm not even gonna get drunk and I paid for the whole thing."

Male #2
"Well, kick him out, then, dude."

Male #1
"Yeah, well, I would. I would. But, he, like, came with the beer."

Male #2
"What?"

Male #1
"He was like at the store and he came with the beer."

Male #2
"That's really weird, dude. What are you on?"

Male #1
(Slightly annoyed/irritated.)
"I'm not on anything, dude. He seriously came with the beer."

Male #2
"Okay, I guess I'll call you some other time."

Male #1
"No, wait, dude. Is a guy supposed to come with the beer?"

Male #2
"What?"

Male #1
"Is there supposed to be a guy that comes with the beer, who like helps you drink it or whatever?"

Male #2
"Fuck no, dude, what are you talking about?"

Male #1
(Annoyed.)
"Like, a guy that comes with the beer, dude! Like, is there, like, a Bud Light Guy or something?"

Male #2
"No, dude, no. Call me when you're normal."
(Hangs up.)

Male #1
"I AM NORMAL! I'M FINE RIGHT NOW!"

(Throughout the conversation, the man is trying to keep it hidden that he is on the phone. He peeks around the corner, observing the jock. But, when he loses his cool, the jock realizes he was talking on the phone.)

Jock
"What's going on, bro?"

Male #1
"Don't call me 'bro'. I don't fucking know who you are, why don't you just get th--"

Jock
"What were you just doing, man, I heard yelling."
(Slurred speech.)

Male #1
"I was on the phone."

Jock
"I didn't hear the phone ring."

Male #1
"Well, uh, I..."

Jock
"Shit....you're the one who shouldn't be calling me 'bro', liar. I thought we were tighter than that. You fucking liar."
(Stands up.)

Male #1
"I never called you 'bro'. Plus, we're not tight. You just came here to drink my beer."

Jock
"What?! You dick. I'll fucking kick your ass."
(The jock chases the man out of the apartment. He comes back, locks the door, and continues drinking.)