"It's Okay, I'm asian"

Male #1: "No, no...I had the one cucumber, and then the one you gave to me, but the one your friend took was my original, good one."

Male #2: "Yeah, but at least I gave you one."

Male #1: "Yeah, beforehand! Before you knew that prick would take mine...you never reimbursed me for the stolen one."

Male #2: "I felt I didn't have to! I mean, fuck! I had already given you one...I mean you have the gall to ask me to give you two when you only lost one?!"

Male #1: "Got stolen! Not lost! Your fucking asshole friend stole!"

Male #2: "I didn't mean lost like that! I meant, in the whole scheme of things, you only lost one cucumber...you're only out one cucumber-plus you have mine...so you really didn't lose any cucumbers."

Male #1: "That's what I'm saying! I didn't lose any cucumbers...your dick friend stole one!"

Male #2: "You still have a cucumber, dude! I gave you one before this whole ordeal, 'cos I knew you liked them! Plus, my friend ate it, he figured you wouldn't care...it's not like he stole your toaster!"

Male #1: "I'd fucking kill him if he did that. And, plus, it doesn't matter! That first cucumber was given out of the goodness of your heart! It was a act of generosity! It was a nice gesture, but it's like me giving you some old, shitty used car for free and then taking your new Audi!"

Male #2: (scoffs/laughs) "An Audi?! Those things are pieces of shit!"

Male #1: "That's your opinion...and that's not the point!"

Male #2: "Wa-wait a minute! You honestly think I would drive a fucking Audi?!?"

Male #1: "What?! I don't kn-...I was just using that as an example!"

Male #2: (disgusted look on face) "I can't fucking believe I ever called you a friend."

Male #1: "I can't believe you hang out with a guy so shady he would steal my cucumber."

Male #2: "I'll steal YOUR cucumber."

Male #1: "Is that a threat?!?"

Male #2: "I'd bet a cucumber on it."

Male #1: "You ffffffffucking ASSHOLE." (starts chasing after Male #2.)

(They run around the house, causing a ruckus, until they run into a smiley asian.)

Lam Nguyen: "H-hey, you guys, you guys. There's no need for this. Look! Look...look, I'm asian. It's okay, I'm asian."

Male #1: (drops knife) "You know, he's right. He is asian."

Ending #1

Male #2: (face lights up) "He's asian." (laughs) "He's asian. How could we be so stupid?"
Lam Nguyen: "You're white."

Ending #2

("Don't Worry, Be Happy" starts playing. There is a montage of the two doing various, friendly things such as playing basketball together, watching a romantic comedy whilst eating microwave popcorn. Eventually, it gets really gay. The whole time, Lam is there, smiling, pleased at how he brought these two together simply out of his asianness.)

(This isn't Chappelle's Show, so we'll probably go with Ending #2. Plus, Ending #2 is just funnier.)