Thumbwar Master!
by Samuel Costello

A man in boxing shorts, a sweat band, and a towel around his neck is seen hiding in a bush or tree next to a busy street. He has several tallies written on his chest in like black marker or grease pen. A woman walks by and he leaps from his position.

Thumbwar master - "Just who the hell do you think you are bitch?!? This is the Thumbmaster's turf! The battle begins!" (grabs her hand and violently pins her thumb down)

Bitch - "Are you fucking crazy?"

Thumbwar master - "I'll tell you what I am! Fucking victorious you cunt!" (slaps her in the face and while she is on the ground screaming and scrambling away he takes out a marker and adds another tally to his chest.)

(A very muscular man begins to walk down the street and thumb master looks uneasy and nervous, and angry and scared and slightly hungry.)

Asshole - "You got a problem?"

Thumbmaster - "No! No problem at all!"

(As he passes, Thumbmaster produces a rag and a bottle of chloroform, jumps on that asshole's back and knocks him the fuck out! After the asshole is good and knocked out, Thumbmaster grabs his hand, pins his thumb down, counts to 3, and once again tallies his chest. He then drags the man behind a bush, places him in quite the sexually questionable and compromising position, then runs down the street with his thumb extended, laughing maniacally.)